Finding God For Myself
by Velvel "Wally" Spiegler

Living in Rehoboth, a quaint rural town in southeastern Massachusetts, miles from the closest synagogue makes Torah study a bit more difficult. I searched for a means to learn without a chavruta, a study partner, and concurrently satisfy my longing for meaningful spiritual practice. I carefully considered several routes before selecting two paths that seemed the most pragmatic. Study ordinarily implies filling the mind with facts, with retaining information that might be useful at some later date. Many believe that Torah study is reserved for an elite few, for scholars, for rabbis or for the strictly observant. My learning is just the opposite; it's a spiritual practice aimed at making "korbonnot", coming closer to God. It's available to anyone who is willing to open the book and look at the text with a clear mind, one that's unencumbered with thoughts of the everyday world which can then become like a sponge, able to soak up the deeper meanings of the text.

I had been scouring through the text, for some months, for an access into the problem and then one day right before my very eyes I found the first of the two directions: God establishes a relationship with us through the narrative. To reach this conclusion, I had to juggle a few ideas that arose during the months of investigation. Human beings need a medium in which to communicate with God and the spiritual world. I reasoned that stories are constructed from elemental feelings and impulses common to a nation's corporate experiences and reflected on another level through their literature. The stories in Torah are just that bridge. If we can allow ourselves, even for a single study session, to walk in the sandals of the ancient Israelites, the stories become real. Torah is writtten in metaphors. Behind the metaphor lies its true meaning like the tale of the  Golden Calf that came to represent our worldly cravings. There's a certain energetic charge that accompanies the discovery of personal meanings of metaphors for yourself.
It's not necessary to read through or have a command of the entire Pentateuch, the five books of Moses. This course of study performs well with any selection of the text: the weekly portion or any specific excerpt of your own choice. As I read through the chapters I felt as if God was talking, not only to the Israelites through Moses, but to me. I found that by studying the text, with special emphasis on how God exercises His will and shapes the cause of events directly or indirectly--I could learn to keep God before me at all times. These are some of the mental notes I kept in mind. God is the indisputable boss like when He uttered to Abram in Genesis 12:1, "Go forth from your native land and from your fathers house to the land that I will show you". God is the principle prophesy maker as in Genesis 15:13, when He said to Abram, "Know well that your offspring shall be strangers in a land not theirs (Egypt) and they shall be enslaved and oppressed four hundred years; but I will execute judgement on the nation and in the end they shall go free" Finally I was mindful how God's decisions actually materialized as summarized in Exodus 12:31 as Pharoah exclaimed, "Up, depart from among my people, you and the Israelites! go, worship the Lord as you said".  Our relationship to the Creator is determined by our understanding of how the Torah text revolves around God, not the Patriarchs or the Israelites.

The other fork in the road led me to learn more about myself through the text, another route towards relating to God. Again I kept set of mental questions before me as I read through verse after verse. What is it about the story, a verse, a word that seems to resonate with some aspect of my life? Is there something about the story that rings a bell? Could I recall  experiences in my life when I experienced something similar to this story? How would I describe the characters in the story? Who did I know who's like them? Could I identify with any one of the characters? Which one? How does God instigate action in my life? What does He want me to do?
I share this quest, particularly, for those who live far from a synagogue, who are distanced from Jewish life, who wish to pursue deeper meanings of Torah or who simply feel they don't have the time. When we make a spiritual discipline a priority, we miraculously find a way to get everything done. When we free up time to do the things that really feed our souls then we find the peace and happiness we seek.