The Sanctuary Within
by Velvel “Wally” Spiegler

Experience has taught me to dislike the medical profession. The doctors, I come across, are generally caring and courteous. But it's the assistants, the secretaries, and the ones who answer the phones and make the appointments that rub me the wrong way. I'm also not too crazy about health insurance companies--I should say the sickness insurance companies who only pay when your sick--who in an effort to turn a profit make medical care disastrous, if not downright dangerous. I could fill pages with horror stories of how medical personnel, given a little authority, can go out of their way to agitate me.

It's not only the medical business that's so irritating. Lately the subject of rude and discourteous behavior on the part of airline employees has come to our attention. In an effort to reduce costs, virtually every company puts customers through a chain of numeric phone options to press until you hear, "Your call is very important to us, please hold on for the next available operator." After five to ten minutes of listening to insipid music, another voice interrupts with, "All operators are busy assisting other customers, please stay on the line." Don't you just want to scream?

I finally reached my breaking point a few weeks ago when I needed to talk to my doctor in order to get the results of a medical test. I started calling at ten in the morning. The voice at the other end said, "He's seeing patients now; I'll give him your message". I called again at two. "He's still in with patients; we're very busy today", in an annoyed, abrupt tone. Now irritated for having to sit around for so many hours, I responded: do you expect people to just sit around all day waiting for the doctor to call? Her silence explained it all and said, I'll give him your message". I was now livid. I would have been appeased if the exchange of messages was handled compassionately; like--"I'm sorry you have to wait so long; let's see if I can't grab him between patients, get the results, and call you back".

At that point, a thought flashed through my mind: This is just another example of bureaucratic indifference at work. I can't change the system; it's bigger than I am.  It's bigger than all of us. My only recourse, I decided, is to change myself so I wouldn't need to react so impulsively. It seemed as if I had forgotten lessons I learned long ago. My thoughts turned to all those who march and demonstrate in vain for causes, against overwhelming odds. Can activists really change entrenched social and political institutions? Is it possible to change the face of the medical establishment? For answers to these questions, I turned, as I do whenever I'm stuck, to the Torah. As I flipped randomly through the pages, my eyes caught hold of the account of the descent into Egypt, and how Pharaoh made the lives of the Israelites miserable.
Isn't that precisely what the bureaucratic Pharaoh does to us? How will Moses ever get us out of the organizational bondage that forces us to comply against our will? Then I came upon Exodus 6:6.  "I [God] will free you from the oppression of the Egyptians and deliver you from their bondage. I will redeem you with an outstretched arm and through ordinary chastisements". That's great, but how do I integrate that into my life? As I read on, it became clear that it took ten plagues and forty years wandering in the desert to transform a band of ex-slaves into a proud nation, undeterred by its enemies at large and worthy of entering the Promised land, the mythical landscape where the lion lies down with the lamb.

Exodus 6 presents us with the question; the answer is repeated by the Prophets, again and again, just in case we didn't hear it right the first time. These are the words of Isaiah: "I the Lord am your God, instructing you for your own benefit. Guiding you in the way you should go. If you would only heed my commands! Then your prosperity would be like a river" (Isa. 47:17-18).  The language may ring archaic, but the message is pertinent for all generations. Turn inward, the Prophets say, turn towards holiness. Redirect your attention from the exterior world of fame and fortune to the world of spiritual reality.

It troubles me to watch the fighting that goes on around the world, whether the war consists of a march on the Capitol or the Intifada. Somehow people believe that by destroying others, by debate or bombs, peace will prevail. In all of history, it never happened; and it never will.
Exodus also presents us, in Parshat Terumah, with the blueprints of the Ohel Moed, the Sanctuary in the wilderness, where in the stillness of the Holy of Holies, God makes his presence known. Now I know that whenever I'm rattled by insensitivity, I can retreat to my imaginary Sanctuary in the wilderness where I bask in silence and solitude, listening to the still, small voice within that shields me from the commotion of the outside world.